The Cage of Tradition: Why Your Marriage is a Patriarchal Tool

“The lie you have been told might become the cage you are walking into willingly.”

You might be a straight women, in her 30s, or late 20s. You might think about marriage or be in there already. You might also have gone through a divorce already, be in the midst of it, or thinking about it. Well then this article is to be approached by you without bias, even though I know that is impossible, maybe you could try to hear me out.

The Contradiction of Love and Marriage

The dynamics between marriage and love are the same as the dynamics between bombs and peace. We are told the one is necessary to have the other and they try to justify the one through the other.

But the truth is that these words don’t only contradict each other but are opposites. This patriarchal construct may only seem like a piece of paper at first thought, but it really is an incredibly effective tool of oppression. Spread by a giant patriarchal propaganda machinery, you are from the moment you first breathe told the disgusting lie of a happy hetero-relationship, which is rooted in mysoginy and therefore evil.

A Moment of Reflection

If you are saying that you really WANT to get married, then please reflect that:

• If that concept wouldn’t exist yet and you therefore woudn’t ever have heard about something like that, would you invent it?

• Would you one day think, that you want a contract that is legally binding?

• And would you want the goverment to know and write it up?

• Would you want to be obligated to all the legal stuff to break up?

• Would you think of spending 10k on a dress that you will wear for one day?

• Would you think about your father handing you over to him? (how fucked up is that?)

• Would you think about changing your last name to his?

• Would you want all your children to have that last name too, tough YOU will be raising them and carry the mental load, apart from at least 9 months filled with pain, suffering and health risks, and the potential trauma of giving birth plus the depression after?

If your answer to all of these questions is yes, then honestly what are you doing here, reading the article of a lesbian trans-woman?

The Reality of the “Straight Relationship”

When I see a straight couple I always see the truth. An oppressor and a woman. If you now think that view would be radical or exaggerated, ignorant or extreme, well then you are part of the majority. Every straight woman that I know, even when self-discribed as a feminist, also when actually fighting the patriarchy has at one point drawn the line at how far their activism will go. And most of the time it is at their own personal life. Wether with members of their biological family or with their oppressors in a sense that the society calls a relationship (straight ones).

Most times when activism would lead to them having to ACTUALLY make changes in their own life, it’s run it’s course. And I keep hearing the same story over and over again like a horror movie on loop. And the only time when straight women would listen to what I have to say is after a breakup, and sometimes they can make sense of my words. At least for a while, basically until the next piece of shit-dude turns up and pretends to not be that.

The Myth of the “Good Guy”

The “good guy” doesn’t exist.

It is a fucking lie that society tells you, oftentimes propagated through media. And even if you know that, you might tell it yourself to gaslight yourself into not losing hope.

Almost every straight woman in a relationship right now: “Yes, but he is different” Spoiler: Nope. You might really think that. You might be brainwashed already. You might not notice the rotten house because you have been starring at a facade the whole time. You might be ashamed to admit it. I don’t judge you for that.

The Only Way Out

The thing is, that no matter how much of a feminist you think you are and no matter how many articles I write, a lot of you will probably walk into the cage willingly. A cage which is the lie you have been told.

And to all the straight women reflected enough to get what I am saying, and that maybe would want me to help them in that matter, I can’t and I won’t.

The only and best advice that I can give you is to join the 4B movement. Not for a year, not until you meet another douche or until we have more rights. But forever.