International Transgender Day of Visibility

About cages, cis-women and burning the closet

It is Sunday march 30th, tomorrow is, you guessed it Monday march 31st.

What you as a straight cis-woman probably didn’t know is that it (march 31st) is also the international trans visibility day. Please all my queer sisters I, of course welcome you as well to read this article, just needed to have that intro (if you’ll keep reading you might get why).

 

Out.

It was a friend that I actually met for the first time in person that I outed myself to. I mean like, the first person ever to know (apart from the girl that I am).

At this point, I have been out for a few weeks but as non-binary which I had figured out I am not. So at that evening my friend has been very supportive and even felt honoured. But I see it as the unfortunate present that disrupted that. Because in the same conversation I was for example being made aware of that many trans girls end up being homeless. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame my friend for bringing that up. I blame the patriarchy.

Imagine a world where she wouldn’t have to speak this inconvenient truth. Where she wouldn’t feel obligated to warn me. Where I wouldn’t have to worry about it.

When I was in the closet, it really was a cage. Correction: one of many.

In every conversation with my mom I wanted to scream It out.

This environment that I have the chance to write in, etc. This is how it should be. I started to volunteer at the sorority when I thought that I was non binary. I know better now but I didn’t and don’t feel obligated to run around at our meetups and tell everyone, hey, hi how are you, did you know I am a woman. Yes trans aha.

They don’t treat me otherwise because I am not a cis-woman.

And there comes the next cage. The body I was put in.

Like all the shit I was dealt, I didn’t choose it. Neither did you.

What I did choose is to reflect on my identity. And the conclusion was and is that I am a woman. I needed a stop at thinking I as non-binary but when I realized that I was a woman, and I got to live that out (even if only a bit) and I was for the first time in 24 years being myself. (Also don’t think that non-binary people are just on a stop to being trans, they are not and neither are bi-sexuals on a stop to being gay/lesbian, stop that bs!

You and me, we were socialised in the patriarchy, build on lies like misogyny, racism, homophobia, speciesism, heteronormativity and transphobia.

All of that is non sense.

But it is easier to throw some of these bs lies into the trash than it is with others.

Even just considering that I could be trans felt almost impossible.

Because if you can’t see it, you cant be it.

Now I am glad to have women like e.g. Kim Petras and Phenix Kühnert.

Growing up or even in my early twenties, I didn’t have that.

It is everywhere.

I wanted to travel earlier that year. So what did I do? I searched what countries are least transphobic. And when instead of thinking about all the vegan food I am going to eat and the sea, I have to go through the statistics about how many trans people and queers got murdered, the state of the world becomes clear.

So then travelling to “the most trans friendly country”

Made me realise:

1st this is bs and 2nd everywhere where the patriarchy is, there is (insert all the bs counted up earlier)

About everyday discrimination.

I am just going to talk about the discrimination that I did get and still get from (straight cis) women. Because if I include men into that I probably would start to vomit out of range.

The countless weird views from women that I have received, from confused to offended to just giving me the feeling that I would be some kind of monster in their view.

They made me sad at times, disappointed, mad and just annoyed.

Then I realised, and with every smile that I gave back as a response to those views said, “You may not be on my side, but I am going to be on yours.”

Guess what, I am not the problem but part of the solution.

The real problem is laying next to you in in bed.

Queer and here.

So would I turn back time and go back into the closet of I could.

I had to laugh at this point.

No. There is nothing wrong with me. All the amazing women and queers in my life know that.

But most importantly, I know that.

And I am going to break out of every cage, and I am going to stand in front of the burning closet, even if I am all alone.

geschrieben von Thea Vera-Vaquitas